The One With The Right Toys Wins!
(Building self-esteem with toys)
By Joy Frost
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By definition, self-esteem, self-confidence, is “how much a person likes, accepts and respects him or herself overall.” In reality it is so much more. It is the single most significant factor in leading a happy and successful life. High self-esteem gives one the strength and courage to keep trying in the face of failure, to express feelings assertively, to approach new challenges with enthusiasm, to assume responsibility, to act independently, to tolerate frustration and in essence, to achieve.
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Parents and teachers have found that loving and encouraging a child and providing a rich environment is not enough to develop high self-esteem. We observe youngsters who have “I can do it” attitudes and others who are defeated before they begin. Self-esteem is an internal feeling that can only be developed by the child. A child develops high self-esteem by experiencing the world around him/her and drawing conclusions from positive experiences. A child’s self-esteem is raised by being successful in her interactions with others and with her environment. By providing opportunities for a child to succeed (This does not mean to always win.), a child can develop self-confidence. Since toys and games provide an arena for such interactions, they are invaluable in developing self-esteem.
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Play experiences lay the ground work for developing self-esteem. Child sized backhoes and trucks; play kitchen equipment, cash registers and play money help a child to manipulate, explore and test competencies, develop imagination and “see” himself/herself as independent adults. Through play, a child tests out life experiences and imagines what “could” be. Toys allow a child to model what he/she sees in the adult world. Toys develop self-satisfaction and self-satisfaction is intrinsic in self-esteem.
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Self-satisfaction is a self-esteem builder.
Age appropriate, developmental products that provide for self-satisfaction build self-esteem. For example, ten month old Allison uses trial and error to fit a round, red block into the round, red cutout in the wooded toy box. Each time that she correctly fits the block into the hole. Allison claps her hands and smiles. It is easy to see that her self-satisfaction came from the accomplishment of the “work” she is doing. Allison may choose to do this task over and over until it is mastered. There is nothing more confidence building than a job well done. Months may go by before Allison will again want to work at putting the colored blocks into the corresponding holes, but one day when frustration at doing other things becomes too great, Allison goes back to the colored blocks and once again uses that task to build self-confidence. When facing a frustrating experience, it can be helpful to look back on past successes to build our self-esteem?
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Toys that help a child to test relationships and learn how to deal with them are self-esteem building. Prior to the 1990’s, Kindergarten classrooms had a play kitchen, dress-up comer, block area etc. Today the Kindergarten curriculum has become more academic, the play kitchens equipped with realistic looking fruits and vegetables, dress-up areas with professional attire, need to be provided in pre-schools and in the home. In the play kitchen or dress-up area, children act out life as they know it to be. They act out what they have seen in the real world and what they would like the real world to be for them. Children test relationships here with other children. They practice using bargaining techniques, problem solving and how speak up for themselves by being assertive.
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Games such as bingo, lotto, checkers, shooting hoops, jumping ropes, not only provide enjoyment and develop educational concepts, they help children experience winning and losing. Games help children sort out what is fair and what is not. Games are character developing. Games are self-correcting ways that children see traits in themselves and others that they like and dislike. Your-turn, my-turn games develop self-esteem, as they give children the opportunity to be assertive and fair and magnanimous.
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Being able to solve one’s own problems builds self-esteem.
On the playground my eighteen pre-kindergarten students were distressed that a short, but drenching rainstorm had made puddles under the swings and slide on their playground. When I told them that the swings and slide were off limits, the children voiced their disappointment. While my assistant and I were taking out the riding toys with some of the children, a few of the others were solving the problem of the puddles. They gathered all of the pails and shovels from the sand box and were carefully shoveling out the water from under the swings, putting it into the buckets and carrying the water over to the grass to deposit. With a team effort that developed naturally out of need, the children worked happily and diligently. The dampness that remained under the swings and slide quickly evaporated in the sun and the children were again able to use the equipment. The pride in their work, both individually and collectively, not only solved the immediate problem, but set the stage for approaching other problems with a positive attitude.
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For as long as man has been on the Earth tools have been used to solve problems in the physical world. Providing children with age appropriate building tools, gardening tools, kitchen tools, personal care tools, and other equipment can help children to think of tools in problem solving way.
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Experimentation and visualizing develop competencies that build self-esteem.
What do Itzach Pearlman, Winton Marsalis, Jackie Joyner-Kersee have in common? Fame, wealth, talent and passion you say? Equipped with a golf club, a violin, a trumpet and a pair of sneakers each of them played and imagined the future of what could be. Toys help children imagine what could be. Toys help children experiment to find talents and interests that with practice turn into passions and competencies.
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John was six years old when he decided he would become a doctor. Chasing his two sisters to poke them with a paperclip was not acceptable, but the passion for his chosen profession never wavered. Graduating from Johns Hopkins Medical School was the culmination of years of study and commitment, but the spark came from within John, a six year old with a toy stethoscope.
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Dress-up clothes, science kits, baby dolls, toy hammers and screw drivers, robot kits, trucks, beads, colored markers, musical instruments, doctor kits, doll houses all become options in a child’s mind. It’s of little consequence if a child experiments with some toys and moves on to others. It is through this experimentation that a child forms who and what they are, and what they will become.
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Being able to relax oneself at bedtime and stressful times is self-esteem building.
Helping children to learn to sooth and relax themselves is self-esteem building. Reading books, listening to audio stories, listening to music, cuddling a bear or other stuffed toy help a child to relax and to prepare themselves for a good night’s sleep. Providing these toys and gifts sends the message to a child that using these tools is a good way to prepare for sleep. By handling bedtime independently, a child builds self-esteem and an “I did it myself” attitude.
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Finally, it is the undeniably, intrinsic right of every child, and adult for that matter, to be able to PLAY. Play time allows us to de-stress and feel good about ourselves. Playtime renews and repairs us. So let’s take out those child-sized and adult-sized toys. Let’s get out those blocks, and bicycles, and golf clubs and mini-baking sets and snow blowers and basketballs and PLAY. These are the gifts that high self-esteem are made of are made of.
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Joy Frost, a teacher with thirty years experience, is the author and founder of Joyful Stories for Kids, a series of 24 time award-winning children’s stories for developing a positive attitude for children. www.joufulstoriesforkids.com